Hey everyone long time no update, not that anyone really reads my blog anyway. I never thought for one second that god would be taking the best old man in the world from everyone who loves him so dear, I mean I know everything and everyone has a life line some just live longer then others. I know my pop-pop has lived a good long life that he is ready to just toss in the towle and be taken by the hand and leand to heaven BUT I am not ready to let him leave. I feel like I need more time with him and I wanna be there and just be with him and know he has longer then a few more days to live. He is 85 years old and soooooo unhappy that it breaks my heart to see/hear, I can understand him not wanting to live like he is and just wanting to get back to his wife that he has missed for so many years. He has four amazing chilrend that love him so much and are letting him go with no selfishness or at least as little as they can give him.
Now I am getting to the point that I do not know how to comfort my own father, he was never one to take to hugging and saying I love you. He was not brought up that way because his mother pasted away when he was at a young age and he just did not get hugged or told he was loved after that being she was the one that did it to him. He is feeling all different kinds of emotions. I kind of know how he is feeling only because I am so close to my grandfather that I get the same way but it is not the same feelings because it is not my father it's his father. I wish I knew how to make him feel something other then anger...I feel like I am failing at everything with this and I really hate that feeling.
That alone has got me in a huge pool of mess, I just don't know what to do anymore. I hate my job so I'm looking for another one that I hope I will get. I like the money I am making but I hate the fast food job. I want so much and I feel I am at a stand still point again, when I wanted to move and pushed myself to move I got a job but now that I want what I have always wanted and has be unable to get I feel useless and disconnected to the world once again. I want a better job (meaning I want one that I half enjoy not one that makes me wanna cry.), I also still want a band. Whenever I think I am getting somewhere with that it always falls apart before it gets started. I would love to know what I am doing wrong...I think I have some what of a idea on where I messed up but I am not a 100% sure.
I am going to end this blog with having the my family in your preys and I am going to try to blog sooner then I did today. Thank you everyone and god bless...
Oka
Now I am getting to the point that I do not know how to comfort my own father, he was never one to take to hugging and saying I love you. He was not brought up that way because his mother pasted away when he was at a young age and he just did not get hugged or told he was loved after that being she was the one that did it to him. He is feeling all different kinds of emotions. I kind of know how he is feeling only because I am so close to my grandfather that I get the same way but it is not the same feelings because it is not my father it's his father. I wish I knew how to make him feel something other then anger...I feel like I am failing at everything with this and I really hate that feeling.
That alone has got me in a huge pool of mess, I just don't know what to do anymore. I hate my job so I'm looking for another one that I hope I will get. I like the money I am making but I hate the fast food job. I want so much and I feel I am at a stand still point again, when I wanted to move and pushed myself to move I got a job but now that I want what I have always wanted and has be unable to get I feel useless and disconnected to the world once again. I want a better job (meaning I want one that I half enjoy not one that makes me wanna cry.), I also still want a band. Whenever I think I am getting somewhere with that it always falls apart before it gets started. I would love to know what I am doing wrong...I think I have some what of a idea on where I messed up but I am not a 100% sure.
I am going to end this blog with having the my family in your preys and I am going to try to blog sooner then I did today. Thank you everyone and god bless...
Oka
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depressed
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